


all it takes sometimes (is a little courage)

by guiltylights



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Captain!Yamaguchi, F/M, First-years as Third-years, I'll defend captain yamaguchi to the ends of my life, M/M, SOME talk of society's deal with homosexuals but mostly to do with tsukki's personal struggle, Telling Your Friends You're Dating, Vice-Captain!Tsukishima Kei, also yamayachi is a ship dear to my heart they're so cute, and kagehina always ends up in my fics implicit or not so just assume they're there from now on, basically it's all the first years studying together, it was originally supposed to be just this but then the relationship thing came in, tsukki needs to tutor the idiotic duo and he's Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 23:39:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12922671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guiltylights/pseuds/guiltylights
Summary: “I just don’t know what a polynomial is, okay!” Hinata pouts, angrily, folding his arms across his chest like a stubborn child, and Tsukishima briefly entertains the idea of pitching him out of the window. He could do it too, since Hinata only comes up to like, his hip, or something. “Stop being such an asshole, Tsukishima, Math is one of my worst subjects!”Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. “You have better subjects?”Hinata bristles, indignant. “Of course I do! I’m better at, at Social Studies–”“You barely passed,” Tsukishima points out blandly, shifting through the mess of papers on the table so he could locate that set of math exercises he’s looking for. “Maybe try boasting after you can pass a subject by more than five marks.”“Screw you, Tsukishima!”





	all it takes sometimes (is a little courage)

**Author's Note:**

> [Time started: 7 December 2016, 5:49pm; – ]
> 
> I call this “the fic that started out for humour but accidentally grew feelings”. It’s is an expression of my nonsense during my own study-for-exams period. It was supposed to have no point, either, but then. Well.

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**Kuroo [00:34]**

tsukki 

**Me [00:36]**

I don’t know what you want from me

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“What the hell do you mean, you don’t know what a polynomial is?”

Tsukishima believes himself to be a calm person. As it stands, he has solid eighteen years of living to prove that he is, that he is someone who is calm and rational and whose first reaction to a problem is to analyse it logically, rather than work at it with an emotional intuition. Tsukishima prides himself on being unruffled in a lot of situations where most people would be running around in circles. In the middle of a match, for example.

On the other hand, Tsukishima also knows that he has a low tolerance for stupidity and nonsense. Normally these two traits would work very well together, but not today.

Tsukishima cannot fucking believe how _stupid_ Hinata and Kageyama are.

The situation is that, currently, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Hinata, Kageyama and Yachi are all gathered at Yachi’s house for the night, in order to study for their exams. Midterms are coming up. Tsukishima isn’t particularly worried for his results as he is excellent at academia, but unfortunately, the same claim cannot be extended to his fellow teammates. Apparently, Kageyama and Hinata’s grades so far are so abysmally in the red that coach Ukai had issued the ultimatum that if they do not pass their next exams, they would find themselves kicked off of the team for the next semester. It figures, that out of all things, it is a volleyball-based threat that gets Kageyama and Hinata scrambling to save their grades from plummeting any further – though in Tsukishima’s opinion, there’s really no other way to go but up. If they flunked any harder their marks would be in the negatives.

And whilst Tsukishima normally wouldn’t bother putting in more than the token effort when it comes to tutoring the idiotic duo – them having horrible grades is not a new thing, the others having to tutor them whenever there is an exam also not a new thing – this is the first that their positions on the team are in danger because of it. Hinata and Kageyama might be stupid when it comes to academics, but they’re central to the team’s offense. Losing them would cost their volleyball team a huge deal. With their tournaments coming up, even Tsukishima sees the urgency and magnitude of this situation, apathetic as he is.

 (That, and the fact that the angry captain-face of Yamaguchi had come up rather threateningly when Tsukishima had tried wriggling out of this responsibility. He might be vice-captain, but Yamaguchi is indisputably captain. It doesn’t help that Yamaguchi knows almost everything there is to know about him, having been his childhood friend and all, and thus has plenty of blackmail information hanging over Tsukishima’s head to make him do his bidding. Tsukishima strongly suspects that Yamaguchi might be too nice to resort to such a thing, but still. The possibility is always there.)

 All these circumstances culminated into Tsukishima being in the current situation right now: namely, the current situation where he actually has to force knowledge into Kageyama and Hinata’s head, hook or by crook, regardless of whether they can absorb it or not.

And Tsukishima is having a _headache._

“Have you even been paying _attention_ in class for the last three years? We learned this in _first year,_ oh my god–”

“I just don’t know what a polynomial is, okay!” Hinata pouts, angrily, folding his arms across his chest like a stubborn child, and Tsukishima briefly entertains the idea of pitching him out of the window. He could do it too, since Hinata only comes up to like, his hip, or something. “Stop being such an asshole, Tsukishima, Math is one of my worst subjects!”

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. “You have better subjects?”

Hinata bristles, indignant. “Of course I do! I’m better at, at Social Studies–”

“You barely passed,” Tsukishima points out blandly, shifting through the mess of papers on the table so he could locate that set of math exercises he’s looking for. “Maybe try boasting after you can pass a subject by more than five marks.”

“Screw you, Tsukishima!”

“Oi, shut up, dumbass, I can’t hear Yamaguchi!” Kageyama growls irritably at Hinata, clamping his left hand down on Hinata’s fluffy orange head and pushing down, making Hinata squawk and struggle like a duck held underwater. Kageyama edges closer to Yamaguchi on his right, where Yamaguchi is patiently trying to explain History, pointing out the key factors that led to World War two.

 Kageyama narrows his eyes in concentration at the paper in front of him, and nods carefully as Yamaguchi circles out an important concept. It’s almost quaint how he’s trying, but Tsukishima keeps that thought to himself; he doesn’t want _Yamaguchi_ to sling him out of the window, or something.

“Here,” Tsukishima sighs, finally finding that set of math exercises and pushing it towards Hinata, who frowns quizzically and tilts his head at it like a baby bird. Tsukishima sort of wants to bang his head against the wall. “Go through this set of math problems. It’s algebra, which takes up a pretty big component of our math exam this mid-term. If you can do these questions without problems, I would say you’re about forty-percent there.” Though Tsukishima sincerely doubts Hinata’s abilities to go through these questions the way he has to.

“And _also,_ ” Tsukishima adds, taking a corner of the sheet and scribbling an equation down, “ _this_ is what a polynomial is. Please commit this type of equation to memory.” He drawls sarcastically.

Hinata squints at it.

“ _Oh!_ I know what this is!” He says, excitedly.

“What– _then why did you say you didn’t know it before?”_

“I know what this _is,_ silly! I just didn't know the name of it!”

Tsukishima closes his eyes, just as Yachi bursts through the door, carrying a tray of snacks and drinks.

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**Me [20:06]**

Literally end me

hinata doesn’t know what a polynomial is

**Kuroo [20:08]**

give him a break

not everybody can be as excellent at

academia as u, mr-straight-as

 

**Me [20:09]**

We learned this in first year. FIRST YEAR 

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“I’ve brought snacks!” Yachi says, a bit unnecessarily, given that Hinata and Kageyama have already pounced on the chips she had brought like starving wolves. Tsukishima snorts.

Yachi settles down on the floor between Hinata and Tsukishima. She tucks her legs away underneath her skirt, putting the tray away from the table since there’s no space anywhere on the shiny wood surface to place it. One-by-one, Yachi hands out the mugs of iced-tea round the table; when she passes one to Yamaguchi, their hands brush, and Tsukishima watches as the both of them blush like fools. When Yamaguchi smiles at her, and says, “thanks, Hitoka-chan”, Yachi stammers and blushes and fiddles with her fingers, mumbling out a quick “you’re welcome” whilst peeking out at Yamaguchi from underneath her fringe.

 "You know,” Tsukishima starts, causing Yachi to _eep_ in surprise and Hinata and Kageyama to look up briefly from their chips before looking back down again, “it’s incredible you two are still so shy around each other. It’s been what, three weeks?”

Now it’s Yamaguchi’s turn to blush, a fierce red that travels up his cheeks and highlights the tan of his skin against his freckles. “We’re – we’re taking it slow!” Yamaguchi protests, curling and uncurling his fingers on the tabletop. Tsukishima watches, with no less amusement, as Yamaguchi begins flubbing excuses. His black piercings are catching underneath the light, beneath the curl of his hair. It’s always the little details, he thinks, that catches a person’s attention, and glancing to his right, he sees that the rule is no exception to Yachi, too – she’s staring almost mesmerized, at the way Yamaguchi’s piercing glints matte, catching the fluorescent light in movement. As Yamaguchi scrunches up his nose, Tsukishima watches Yachi look on with an expression of almost silly, shy open adoration on her face.

And Tsukishima’s stomach clenches for no reason at all.  

As Yachi hurries to reassure Yamaguchi, Tsukishima turns back to the worksheets in front of him, and concentrates on putting them into order by subject and date. He likes his academia, in the way that it focuses him, concentrates him on something most other things don’t, giving him something to think about for a few hours in his life. It’s methodical; it’s comprehensible. Tsukishima understands his academia.

Tsukishima stares at the essay in front of him, and works out all the problems with it. It’s Kageyama’s, on Classical Literature. It’s actually not as bad as Tsukishima thought it would be. Tsukishima clicks his tongue.

“Oi, King,” he says.

Kageyama looks up, irritated. “What?” He growls, twitching at the nickname.

Tsukishima smirks. “You done with History?” He holds up the essay. “Because let’s work on this next.”

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**Me [20:45]**

I’m surprised

The king isn’t as bad at literature as I thought he would be

**Kuroo [20:48]**

ur faith in them is incredible rlly

must rlly keep them going

**Kuroo [20:49]**

whys it surprising?

**Me [20:53]**

He doesn’t strike as the type to understand this sort of stuff

**Kuroo [20:55]**

look whos talking, tsukki

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Tsukishima frowns at his phone for a full one minute, two minutes. Three. The text was sent thirty minutes ago, and Tsukishima has had it open for twenty-three. He looks at it for a little while longer, and then locks his phone.

Hinata glances up from where he’s punching in numbers into a calculator. “Got a text from someone, Tsukishima?” He asks curiously. His voice comes out a little distorted, due to the pencil he has got stuck between his nose and upper lip, balanced like some strange, wooden, yellow-and-orange striped moustache. The pencil prevents Hinata from moving his lips properly, making him sound garbled and nasal. Tsukishima curls his lips at the sight.

“It’s none of your business,” Tsukishima states blandly, pushing up his glasses as he flicks his gaze back down to the essay he’s holding, his eyes scanning the untidy scrawl. The timed essay Tsukishima had given Kageyama certainly hadn’t been easy. “Moreover, you should be focusing on that set of questions in front of you. Didn’t I give them to you more than an hour ago? How the hell are you still not done?”

Hinata squawks indignantly. “They’re hard!”

"When I did that set, I finished it in forty minutes.”

Yamaguchi takes pity on Hinata, and comes to his rescue. “Cut them some slack, Tsukki, not everybody is as good at studies as you are.” Yamaguchi peers across the table to look at Hinata’s scribbled workings. “Besides, he’s already on the last question.”

Hinata frowns down at it. “I can’t understand how to solve this last part at all, though! I’ve tried throwing everything I can at it – factorisation, subtraction – nothing works!” Hinata scrubs at his hair in frustration. Tsukishima takes a brief moment to be reluctantly impressed that the pencil on Hinata’s face doesn’t fall from the vigorous movement.

Yachi, ever concerned, leans over the table to take a closer look at Hinata’s worksheets. “T-that is quite a difficult question,” she agrees. “M-maybe you can try completing the square?”

Hinata frowns in confusion. “What’s that?”

Kageyama sighs heavily, and slams his pen down. He shuffles over from where he had been marking out Literature notes; Hinata shrinks a little out of fear. Kageyama rips the pencil out from between Hinata’s nose and lip, making him squawk indignantly, before leaning over and scribbling something on his page. “Look here, dumbass,” he says, “completing the square’s done like _this._ ”

Kageyama has a special ability. That is to say, Kageyama always manages to give people the impression that he is permanently angry about something, when in reality he’s just really, really intense. Tsukishima attributes it to his inability to do things by moderation – everything Kageyama says or does is always done in the most extreme of motions. In volleyball, it’s the most extreme – in studying, it’s often the least. Whilst he’s mellowed since becoming a third-year, that particular trait has always been as intrinsic to his personality as, say, Tsukishima’s sarcasm, and thus he’s stayed the same.

Obstinate, Hinata objects. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“For the first part of this problem, you have to prove that the equation is always positive, right? So since this part’s always squared, it’s always positive, and if you get a plus here, everything would be positive regardless of what _x_ is.” Kageyama growls, and whacks Hinata’s head. “You idiot.”

Hinata winces, clutching his head in pain, but he’s also looking starry-eyed at the equations on his paper, so Tsukishima surmises that it should be alright. “Woah! It’s like magic!” He exclaims.

Kageyama snorts, turning back to his paper and picking up his pencil again. “That’s because it’s _new_ to you, dumbass. You’re so slow – you’ve only gone through one subject when I’ve made my way through two.”

“Oh my, King, if you knew so much then why are you still failing math?” Tsukishima asks, smirking.

“Shut up!”

Yamaguchi shoots Tsukishima a look. “Tsukki–”

Tsukishima waves him off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he says, pushing Kageyama’s essay back towards him. “Look through all the parts I’ve marked out in pencil. You’ve got decent ideas, surprisingly; you’re just bad at putting them all down coherently. Try looking at how you structure your arguments.”

Grumbling, Kageyama takes his essay back, squinting at it. It makes him look like an angry bewildered bird, especially him when he scratches his head so that his hair sticks up, and Hinata tells him so. Of course, Hinata gets nothing but a fistful of papers in his face for his troubles.

Tsukishima shifts to focus back on his own work. He’s got some science questions to work through, and normally he would’ve been able to finish this within an hour, but what with the tutoring commotion going on, he’s not even halfway through the problems. Or even one-thirds.

So Tsukishima starts reading through the questions – this one’s about biology, about the reproductive cycle of cells, which should be easy enough. Tsukishima works out the answer in his head, starts writing it down in neat black handwriting.

And Tsukishima enjoys his academia, when it focuses him like nothing else, letting him think of other things, but sometimes other things are prone to capturing his attention aside from his work. His phone, maybe, lying inches away from where his hand is, where his hand is still neatly printing out how cells replicate and divide and what it affects in the human body, and Tsukishima thinks that in his lifetime, he’s never really learned how to not really care. _Cell division occurs when–_

Tsukishima is a rational person. Academia is rational; it’s methodical, it follows a process and there’s usually a definite answer at the end. Academia is easier to understand than other things in his life, things that Tsukishima knows about but can’t comprehend. _Under such conditions, cellular division becomes–_ Tsukishima has the answer worked out in his head, it’s a step-by-step logical process. As a rational person, Tsukishima doesn’t work by emotional intuition. Sometimes he forgets though, that those two things aren’t always mutually exclusive.

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**Me [21:35]**

What do you mean by that

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It had started out as such a little thing. They’d been messaging back and forth two nights ago, the same as always – messaging being the easiest way they’d found to maintain a long distance relationship, when you can’t see each others’ faces as regularly as normal couples do (like Yamaguchi or Yachi can) and when you don’t have similar schedules, what with Tsukishima juggling between third year and university entrance exams and being vice captain to a flourishing volleyball club, and what with Kuroo with his university courses and daily workload and his working at getting into the starting line-up of his school’s volleyball team. Texting was regular and easy; as were phone-calls, video calls late into the hours of the night.

It had started out as such a little thing. Tsukishima had mentioned something about how Kageyama and Hinata were still not doing anything more than blushing around each other and how he was tired of watching them dance around the subject for three years, and Kuroo had replied jokingly that maybe they were already together and they just didn’t tell anyone. Tsukishima had replied _“it’s them, they’re not as smart as that, if they were together they’d parade it to the world – plus they suck at hiding things”_ and had set aside his phone to work on his math homework, and didn't think any more about it.

Except Kuroo had, and Kuroo had responded with _“are u saying that telling your close friends you’re dating someone is stupid tsukki lol”_ and Tsukishima had stared at that message for a solid five minutes wondering how and whether he should reply.

**Me [19:39]**

What are you trying to say? 

**Kuroo [19:42]**

nothing! its just an innocent qn

**Me [19:44]**

We both know that it’s not. what’s wrong 

**Kuroo [19:46]**

everything is fine tsukki ur overreacting

When Kuroo is evasive, he is evasive in a way that’s thoroughly different from Tsukishima. Whilst Tsukishima keeps irrelevant people clearly out of arms-reach with sneers and glares, Kuroo is like a mirror: inviting, seemingly transparent, until someone get closer and realises that everything they see is not him at all, but a reflection.  

**Me [20:15]**

Kuroo stop lying to me 

**Kuroo [20:17]**

ok fine i was just wondering whether u rlly thought telling ur friends is dating is rlly stupid bcos i wonder what does that say abt us

It had started out as such a little thing, and yet somehow it managed to escalate into a proper fight, all done through increasingly aggravated messages and frustration from either end as they both fought to argue their own perspective, their own ideas. Tsukishima is stubborn, but so is Kuroo – and neither had been willing to back down.

The fight had finally winded down at around midnight that day, when they both grew tired of throwing passive-aggressive barbs at each other. Tsukishima had sent one last final text, and when he had gotten no response in the next half hour, had crawled into bed. His math homework was left undone. Tsukishima didn’t really care.

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“Oiiii, Tsukishima, Tsukishima! You there?” Hinata waves a hand in front of Tsukishima’s face, and Tsukishima blinks, back into the present.

“What?” He growls, irritated.

Hinata sits back. “Well, you were spacing out for a while there. Didn’t even finish your answer on that biology question,” Hinata says, pointing. “You alright?”

Tsukishima looks down stupidly at the biology paper in front of him, where, indeed, his writing has tailed off before the end of a sentence. Tsukishima scowls – to be called out by _Hinata_ on _homework,_ of all things – and quickly continues writing out the rest of the answer, as Yamaguchi patiently diverts Hinata’s attention back to the math concept he’s explaining.

The thing is, Tsukishima thinks distantly, is that he doesn’t know how to express the fear that catches hold of him when he thinks of telling his friends he’s dating, and awaiting their response – it’s a quiet kind of fear, borne from irrationality and an instinctual response that Tsukishima can’t seem to shake. Tsukishima is logical, and knows that in truth his friends probably wouldn’t be against him dating, against him dating a _guy_ – but yet there’s always a _what if. What if._ That, and Tsukishima has had years of keeping secrets and thoughts and things he finds precious close to himself, and it makes letting things go hard – Tsukishima isn’t sure if he’s ready to share.

And anyway, the day after the fight, Kuroo had texted him a picture of some dumb cat that he had found in a garbage can on his way to university, and wished him a good day; as if the fight the night before had never happened. Tsukishima doesn’t know what to make of _that._

He glances at his phone. The screen is dark and silent.

Just as Tsukishima completes his answer and puts his pen down, it happens. As it is with a lot of the disasters in his life, it is caused by Hinata and Kageyama, two frequent banes of his existence that he is somehow still friends with, despite the clear disadvantages they often bring into his life. When disaster strikes, when calamity rains down, it often strikes suddenly and without warning, and with a devastation that hurts Tsukishima deep in the recesses of his soul.

 Tsukishima hears a distinctive _clink_ , a muffled curse, and a gasp from Yachi – and before his very eyes, a puddle of orange liquid spreads over the wooden tabletop, plastering their worksheets to the table and wetting the bottoms of their pencil cases. More importantly, however, is the apex of the calamity – right where the mug had been knocked over, is Tsukishima’s biology notebook. Within seconds, its pages get utterly _soaked_ by liquid.

 _"Christ–“_ Tsukishima swears, grabbing at his notebook frantically.

Yamaguchi immediately starts grabbing things off the table, gingerly peeling away the greater casualties and shaking out the ones that aren’t. Tsukishima wants to help, but he’s kind of too struck dumb at the sight of his notes, all neatly handwritten and organised by syllabus and concepts, bleeding ink and stained by the tea. What the hell, it took him _months_ to compile these–

Tsukishima doesn’t need to raise his head to know that Hinata and Kageyama are frozen like deer in headlights from where they are next to him – Tsukishima thinks Hinata might have stopped breathing altogether. In the corner of his vision, he can still see Kageyama’s hand, outstretched with a pencil from when he had leaned forward to explain something to Hinata, and the mug lying sideways next to it like a crime scene with a guilty convict. They’re expecting him to erupt, probably.

Instead, Tsukishima looks at them and fixes them his coldest smile. Hinata makes an _eep_ sound. “You two. _Absolute_ idiots. Clean this up.”

“I’ll get the cloths!” Yachi starts to get up.

“No, Yachi,” Tsukishima interrupts, narrowing his eyes at the idiot duo, _“they’ll_ clean it up. Take care of your own responsibilities, the both of you.”

Hinata starts to protest. “It’s not as if we were gonna skip out on–!”

Kageyama interrupts Hinata mid-sentence by standing up, tugging at Hinata’s arm. “Come on, dumbass, let’s go,” he sighs. “Tsukishima’s a bastard, but he’s still right.”

Tsukishima smirks. “Oho, King, finally admitting the truth now are we?”

“You piss me off,” Kageyama growls. He turns to Yachi. “Yachi, where do you keep the cloths?”

After Yachi gives them instructions on where to find them in the kitchen, the pair leaves the room.

“I’m pretty sure they thought you were gonna eat their hearts,” Yamaguchi remarks, casually spreading out soaked worksheets on the floor.

 _"I_ thought you were gonna eat their hearts,” Yachi mumbles next to Yamaguchi, carefully smoothening out the papers so they won’t dry crinkled.

Yamaguchi pats her hand in a vaguely sympathetic manner. Tsukishima snorts, but kneels to help them in airing and drying out the worksheets, wincing when two worksheets come away glued together from the tabletop.

Before long, papers are spread all across Yachi’s hardwood bedroom floor, the papers individually spaced to prevent them from drying stuck together. Hinata and Kageyama are yet to reappear.

Yachi frowns worriedly. “What’s taking them so long?”

Yamaguchi sniggers a little bit. “Maybe they got lost on their way to the kitchen.”

The fact that Yachi’s face looks as though she is seriously considering that as a possibility makes even Tsukishima laugh a little. “I’m going to go check on them,” she frets, and makes her way towards the door, carefully sidestepping any papers along the way. To get to the door, Yachi does a neat little skip over the papers, and lands perfectly, her skirt flaring with the movement. She heads out.

All the while, Yamaguchi watches after her with an absolutely besotted look on his face. “Why don’t you just write the word “whipped” on your face, it’ll be less obvious that way,” Tsukishima suggests.

Yamaguchi elbows him. “Shut up.”

Suddenly, the both of them hear a muffled squeal. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to spy, it’s just that, we were worried about where you two went and, I’m _really sorry–”_

Yachi bursts back into the room with her entire face flushing scarlet. Behind her are Kageyama and Hinata, who are both clutching towels and blushing equally as furiously. Kageyama can’t even look anybody in the room in the eye; he nearly runs his head into the doorframe.

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. “What happened?”

“I – I accidentally caught them kissing!” Yachi blurts out, mortified. “And I’m really so sorry, I didn’t mean to, it’s just that well, you guys were _right ther_ e in the hallway–”

Yamaguchi’s eyebrows shoot rapidly up to his hairline. Tsukishima maintains his usual impassive expression, though inside he does feel a twinge of surprise. He didn’t expect this to happen so soon.

“Finally?” Tsukishima asks, instead, affecting a bored tone. “Have you two finally decided to get it over with and _finally_ get together? Because the rest of us have been expecting it since first year, basically. You guys take _forever_ to sort yourselves out.”

Tsukishima ponders the scientific plausibility behind someone actually dying of embarrassment; if Kageyama’s face gets any redder, he might spontaneously combust. Hinata, on the other hand, looks like he has cooled down somewhat, though he bristles again at Tsukishima’s statements.

“Shut up Tsukishima, we're not slow! Just so you know,” Hinata adds, ignoring Kageyama’s frantic signals that indicate _shut up_ in varying degrees, “we've been dating for about a month now!”

Kageyama groans in defeat, running one hand down his face. Yachi squeaks. Yamaguchi looks resigned. On the inside, Tsukishima reels.

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. 

**Me [00:36]**

I don’t know what you want from me

**Kuroo [09:47]**

yo tsukki look at this dumb fuckin cat lol

have a good day at sch today!!

.

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. 

“So like,” Yamaguchi pauses over a cup of tea that Yachi had prepared for all of them (“tea soothes frazzled nerves!”, she claims), “were you two ever gonna tell us at some point or am I going to have to re-evaluate how much worth I should be giving this friendship?”

Hinata blinks rapidly. “We were going to tell you guys! Eventually, it’s just that, well–” He glances at Kageyama.

“We weren’t sure how you guys would react.” Kageyama finishes. Tsukishima stiffens slightly.

“That answer isn’t any better.” Yamaguchi intones dryly. “What kind of assholes do you think we are?”

Hinata protests. “That’s not what we meant!”

“We still felt scared about telling anyone,” Kageyama admits, “and it made us feel unprepared. So we thought we’d keep it a secret until we felt ready, and then tell you guys.”

“You guys were the first people we were gonna tell it to!” Hinata chirps.

“Sorry for keeping it a secret,” Kageyama adds brusquely.

Tsukishima is hearing all of this in a way that feels like he’s underwater. Kuroo had been right. The entire time he’d thought that the two idiots had been dancing around each other, they had been together all along.

“Well, can’t say anything to that, I suppose,” Yamaguchi sighs, leaning back. “Can I just say though, it’s about _damn time_ –”

“It’s great that you guys are finally together!” Yachi enthuses. “We knew you two would be suited to each other!”

Kageyama yelps a little. “What do you mean, “finally”? Have you guys seriously been expecting this since first year?”

“Yep.” Yachi nods.

“Pretty much.” Yamaguchi confirms.

As Kageyama continues spluttering, demanding to know the details, Tsukishima just continues to stare. Kuroo had been right. Tsukishima thinks he should be doing something right now, take part of the conversation, maybe, but he can’t. All this time, he had assumed, and he had been wrong all along. He had assumed. Kuroo was right.

“How did you two even figure out your feelings?” Yamaguchi asks. “Honestly I kind of expected to watch you two dance around each other at least a few more months.”

Hinata’s eyes gleam, and he leans forward excitedly. “Wait, oh my god, you guys need to hear the story. It’s the most hilarious thing, Kageyama fell out of a tree–”

“Dumbass, they don’t need to hear that!”

Tsukishima prides himself on being calm and logical, on being the kind of person who, when confronted with a situation, deals with it by logical analysis. It’s how he has always guarded the parts of him that aren’t – years of keeping secrets and thoughts and things he held precious close to himself, that by now it is more an instinctual response than anything else. But sometimes he forgets how logic and emotions aren’t always different things. They’re not necessarily mutually exclusive.

“–and then, Kageyama was dragging me into the sports store, and I was just really confused because I didn’t know what was going on–”

And it has always been a quiet kind of fear, the kind that is as unavoidable as it is irrational. Society isn’t always forgiving. A distinct sense of _what if,_ of maybes, and of being unable to take the first step because of this fear; because Tsukishima has always been afraid of loosening his hold on the most precious things to him – as if if he lets it go, it’ll disappear. As if its value has any links to its privacy at all.  

Tsukishima tunes back into the conversation, just in time to hear Hinata triumphantly finishing up his story, to the dismay of Kageyama and to the laughter of Yamaguchi and Hinata (damn, he’s going to have to prise that blackmail material out of Yamaguchi later). Precious things don’t have to be secret.

“Are you two happy together?” Tsukishima asks, abruptly, cutting into the conversation.

There is silence for a moment, the atmosphere in the room cut by the unexpectedly intense question. Yamaguchi glances at Tsukishima out of the corner of his eye. Hinata looks confused at the question, like he’s wondering how that question had come out of Tsukishima’s mouth of all people, instead of someone else. (Tsukishima twitches; he’s going to hit Hinata for that later.) But then Hinata’s mouth turns up into a smile.

“Yeah, we are.” He beams up at Kageyama. The look in Kageyama’s eyes softens as he looks down at the smiling boy, his blue eyes almost turning warm as he gazes at Hinata with a kind of awe; like Yachi before, it’s always the little details that catch one’s attention. The adoration on Kageyama’s face is unmistakable.

There’s another brief pause of silence, before Yamaguchi snorts. “Gross, the both of you.” And just like that, the serious atmosphere dissolves. But then Yamaguchi grins, proud and elated, “congratulations, you two.”

“Congratulations!” Yachi cheers.

“Well, anyway we should get back to studying I suppose,” Yamaguchi says briskly, slipping into captain mode as he starts collecting up the worksheets that have already dried. Hinata boos, but Yamaguchi ignores him. Tsukishima leans over to help Yamaguchi pick up the worksheets. “Since some papers are still wet, we’ll just do the ones that aren’t first, and revise our schedule as we go along–”

“I’m also dating someone.” Tsukishima says.

Both Hinata and Kageyama’s heads whip around to Tsukishima’s direction. Yamaguchi’s hands pause on the papers.

Yachi looks startled. “…Who?” She ventures to ask, when it’s clear that the others are not going to or are clearly too shocked to do it.

Logic and emotions are not always mutually exclusive. Sometimes it’s believing that your emotional intuition can be logical. That even when there’s fear, the logical conclusion would still be to run forwards anyways, because of whom you choose to believe in. It’s about an act of bravery being the only logical step forwards.

Tsukishima pushes up his glasses, and takes in a deep breath. “Kuroo Tetsurou. He’s the senior from Nekoma, the one who was captain when we were first-years. We’ve been dating for a few months now.”

Tsukishima fidgets with his hands in his laps in the ensuing silence that follows. There. He’s said it. Like pulling off a band-aid, cleanly, quickly; everything’s now out in the open with one short, swift decision. Now all that’s left is the reaction.

Yamaguchi breaks the silence with a loud sigh. _“Finally,_ I thought you were never gonna say anything.”

Tsukishima starts. He turns to Yamaguchi with a look of surprise and question. _What?_

"I guessed that you were hiding something from us,” Yamaguchi explains. “But I didn’t know what it was. You’re the type to keep everything to yourself after all. I figured, though, that if it were anything important, you would tell us once you were ready.” Yamaguchi smiles. “Congratulations to you too, Tsukki.”

“You’re dating Kozume’s best friend?! Oh my god does he know? _Why didn’t Kozume tell me anything_ –”

“He probably knew you wouldn’t know how to keep it to yourself,” Kageyama snorts.

“What! I so can!”

As Hinata and Kageyama begin to bicker, things in the room turn back to normal. The atmosphere is cosy. Tsukishima can’t help smiling a little, as he absentmindedly shuffles the notes around. Yachi is beaming at him, pink-cheeked with gladness on his behalf; Tsukishima breathes out, letting go of the breath he had.

.

.

.

The phone rings thrice, before it connects to the other side. _“Hey,”_ Kuroo says on the other end, warmly. Cautiously.

Tsukishima tips his head back, seated on the floor, leaning against the side of his bed. “Hey.”

The study session had packed up an hour ago. He’s reached home. He’s taken a shower and packed his bag for school, and there’s volleyball practice early tomorrow. It’s a little ways past midnight.

 _“What’s up?”_ Kuroo asks.

Tsukishima is silent for a few seconds. There’s a test in math class tomorrow morning, and after school he’s going to have to tutor Kageyama and Hinata again. The world hasn’t stopped spinning; things are still going on the same as they have before.

“I told them,” Tsukishima says into the receiver.

Tomorrow, Kuroo will still have his university classes, and Tsukishima will still have a volleyball club to help run. Kuroo is still going to be working hard to get into the starting line-up of his team, and Tsukishima still has those university entrance tests. The world hasn’t changed itself just because he’s decided to be a little bit brave, society isn’t going to suddenly become more forgiving overnight. But Tsukishima thinks its okay to stop holding things so close to his chest. It’s okay to give himself a little space of freedom in this world.

_“…Told them what?”_

“About us.” Tsukishima says. He knows he doesn’t have to specify who “they” were. Tsukishima has always been cryptic, but Kuroo has always understood.

 _“…I see.”_ The answer is placid enough, but Tsukishima can hear the smile over the phone. Tsukishima half-smiles out of his window, seeing the moon hang crescent in the dark sky. _“How did they react?”_

“They told me congratulations,” Tsukishima replies. “Hinata’s mad, by the way, that Kenma didn’t tell him anything about this. You might want to tell him to expect a barrage of texts soon.”

There’s a chuckle over the phone. Tsukishima quietly savours the sound; it’s always the little details. _“I’ll make sure to text him.”_

“…I’m sorry,” Tsukishima tells Kuroo over the phone. “About before. I didn’t mean to– I didn’t intend to disparage our relationship like that, I–" 

 _"It’s okay,”_ Kuroo interrupts. _“I know that you didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry too.”_

Tsukishima frowns. “You shouldn’t be,” he chastises. “It’s not as if what you wanted was wrong.”

 _“The same can be said about you,”_ Kuroo fires back. There’s a silence on the line for a moment. Then, abruptly, they both laugh.

 _“Let’s just say it was nobody’s fault,”_ Kuroo suggests, _“and put it behind us.”_

Tsukishima leans back. “If you insist.”

_“Aww, Tsukki, it’s okay, I know you’re a bit emotionally constipated but I get you anyway–”_

Tsukishima scowls. “Don’t push it, Bedhair.”

_“Cruel. You know you love my hairstyle.”_

“I’m pretty sure birds are nesting in there.”

_“I’d be hurt, but your insult lacks conviction. Put in more effort, Tsukki.”_

The routine is familiar, easy. Tsukishima relaxes into it, feeling at ease for the first time in days. He hadn’t realised how tense he had been, until he stopped feeling it.

“I should probably go to sleep, I have a test tomorrow.”

_"The math one? Good luck, Tsukki – I’m sure you’ll be fine though, you nerd.”_

“I take pride in my academia,” Tsukishima says loftily.

_“I don’t like the implication there that I don’t. I happen to take my education very seriously.”_

“Yeah, yeah. Goodnight, Kuroo.” Tsukishima moves to get up from the floor.

_“…Was it difficult? To tell them.”_

Tsukishima pauses.

“Not in the end.” He smiles to himself.

He hadn’t needed to worry.

.

.

.

.

.

**Author's Note:**

> I am 100% Kageyama in studying – clueless and really angry about it. (And if Kageyama procrastinated to an unholy degree.) 
> 
> THIS FIC has been in the works for almost a year because I ended up stuck halfway and also this year was important, academically. (Did I perform up to par? Well, I’ll know when results come out ah a h a) 
> 
> Pls leave a comment/kudos if you liked this! I also have like a [tumblr](http://guilty-lights.tumblr.com/) now, come find me there if you wanna talk? 
> 
> [Time ended: 5 December 17, 9.20pm;– ]


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